Thursday, May 11, 2023

Love and Mentors

 Eros And Psyche:


  • Psyche was a beautiful woman, rivaling that of Aphrodites

  • Psyche was so beautiful that everyone was intimidated by her beauty

  • Everyone refused to marry her because of her intimidating beauty

  • An oracle of Apollo told Psyche’s father that she will marry a monster with wings on the cliffs edges, so her father sent her there

  • Psyche was transported to a place where a voice told her to go inside as her husband

  • There she felt a body that didn't feel like a monster at all, and so they made love and psyche was pregnant

  • Afraid of raising her child, she sought to reveal who her lover was and brought an oil lamp to see him at night, but hurt him with the oil

  • The man was eros, and he revealed that he didn’t want to reveal his identity because he thought that mortals were inferior to the gods and that they could not be in love

  • Psyche went to seek out eros, but aphrodite stopped her in her tracks, and gave her tasks to do in order to be with eros

  • Psyche was able to complete almost all of the impossible tasks, and by the third one, she collapsed due to the box being filled with sleep rather than beauty

  • From there, eros found her and realized that immortals and mortals are equals and therefore there is no need for his anxieties 


Mary Magdalene:

  • From the view of a lady watching a man 

  • Was entranced by his pace of walking, could not decipher whether or not it was fast

  • The lady gave a gesture to him, in which he ignored and for that she was angry at him and said, “I hated Him”

  • She dreamt of him that night, but her body was reacting violently– as though it was a nightmare

  • She saw Him again, and he was in her garden

  • She stared at Him , and realized he was handsome, and that she was in love

  • She went to go see him, and could not understand why she went to approach Him

  • Even though He was saying simple things to her (good morrow to you) she felt a huge effect on herself, and when he rejected her invitation into her house she compared it ti death

  • She is a prostitute, “I belonged to all men, and to none”

  • She found beauty that everyone called her a harlot or bad words and yet he called her by her name

  • She was so desperate for Him and then He confessed that he loves her for who she is, not what she is or what she sells

  • He politely declined her and walked away and she was heartbroken but then came to the conclusion that no man walked away from her and that from him, she became a woman with a name 


I have someone who has loved me deeply and who is also a mentor to me, and that is my grandma. She had primarily raised me as my parents are divorced, and both worked multiple jobs to keep up with the debts. My grandmother has changed my life completely and I credit almost all that I am to her guidance and love. As we call her in Filipino, Lola, meaning grandma, she has laid my life out for me without me even realizing it until I face problems where her values come into play. Lola didn't teach me how to pay taxes, how to pay for my college, or how to apply for a job– but she taught me that laughter is the best medicine in life, and that 3 ingredients can make a meal for a king. I listened to her because of the stories she told me. She would detail her older sister’s hair, and how it ran past her ankles. How she watched her sister grow so smart that she caught up to the same grade as their own mother. She told me what it was like being courted by my grandfather, who took a whole army bus just to pick her and her students up from the school she taught up in the mountains. She told me what it was like hiding in the cave from the Japanese soldiers during WWII with her older brother studying to be a doctor at that time. She showed me time and time again– to make the most out of everything– memories, happiness, time. From my understanding of her wisdom and years on her hands, I believed her to be a good mentor, and from that she taught me with immeasurable love. 


For my creative piece, i would like to highlight an analysis of a poem that I did for my grandmother. It is also in this blog– here is the hyper link but I shall also post my writing section below:


Life is fleeting. People change and evolve, shaping ourselves into the mold created by hardships and success. Change is inevitable for life to prosper. My grandma made sure we understood that. She engraved it into my sister’s and mine hearts before she couldn’t. Having divorced parents, life is always so different and constantly morphing.

 I have moved a total of thirteen times, counting both sides. I’ve lived with a total of 3 other families, hearing new experiences and leaving with some of my own. Memories were birthed in large open yards that bled into fresh pine forests but also in cramped townhouses infested with rats every winter. Marble kitchen counter tops were covered in home-cooked visayan food and so were dumpster dove dining tables, but they both held the same warm conversations booming with laughter. My grandma has had the freedom to roam around the town via the access of a free pace bus, asking, “what’s your problem?”, to everyone she meets, then telling them how to navigate their way, preaching the words spoken from last Sunday’s mass, and hugging strangers’ babies. There were also times when I’ve seen her cooped up in her room, legs dull and thin from not going anywhere, eyes blank towards the same Filipino telesarye (Filipino soap operas) that has been running for the past 6 hours, the scent of laundry, crushed garlic, and earth lingering on her hands and vestida. Her prayers at night have been silent but strong, her hand dashing across the pages of her prayer book writing a psalm for everyone on the earth, even those who have cursed her. Some nights they were passionate cries and preaches at night praying for the guidance down “the right path”. Large changes have occurred, from household to lifestyle that I often forget I face a small switch every week for the past 11 years of my life. 


No matter my circumstances, my mind always resonated with what’s going on around me but also how it started. My grandma, or my Lola, reminded me how life is transforming, she also made sure that we knew who we are from, where we are from, and what we are from, which reminded me of  Joy Harjo’s poem. “Remember the earth whose skin you are”, is a line that strongly captured my grandmother's message. She told me to connect back to the soil on which I came from and the soil my parents came from, even if you are on new land. To live as an American, but love as a Filipino. The earth is a place that holds our stories, our connections, and our life— she wanted us to be aware of that, even with the spontaneous course of a river that life sails on. Joy Harjo’s lines and stanzas are like my grandma is whispering in my ear from across the world, reiterating her values that she instilled in me. Here is Remember by Joy Harjo:


https://ponoyoudidnt.blogspot.com/2020/01/this-is-work-inspired-by-tracy-k.html


Tuesday, May 2, 2023

Emotions

 The Importance of a Breakdown:


Humans are good at upkeep priorities and responsibilities

This pressure, and then we break

Depression, babble, compelled to do bad things

Attach medical meaning behind breakdown so that life can continue, band-aid the situation

Break down is very real, bid for health, an attempt to force ourselves into growth]

“An attempt to jumpstart getting properly well by a chance of falling”

If we shift break down, we are not listening to the main lesson, an opportunity to learn

We need to listen to our mind and hearts

Breakdown is the point of desperation

We can not continue our normal, there needs to be a change otherwise death is preferable

We are inherently lazy

More time for ourselves, being honest, acceptance, etc

Crisis is an appetite for growth

“I don't know how I would've ever gotten well if i hadn't gotten ill”

Breakdown breaks us from status quo


Being Out of Touch With One’s Feelings:


Trouble coming from us being out of touch with our feelings

How do we not know what we feel?

It is hard for us to detect our feelings

We are conflicted with what is acceptable and what is not

We are influenced to believe certain emotions are not okay

Sexist based

Culturally based

Societal

We are not meant to feel to fit into images

When difficult feeling come, it is hard for us to become accountable to what is going on 

Powerful feelings become swept under the rug and are deemed as bad

Small instances can erupt our feelings of upset exposes fragility and insecurity, therefore the emotions grown and become more intense 

Feelings unattended to become full blown addictions

How to combat?

Become open minded

Listen to ourselves with self reflection/ idle moments

Allow time for feelings to come out


Very recently, I have a patient who has been becoming cognitively impaired. He was one of my first patients ever since I started, and I’ve always had very positive experiences with him. He was kind, witty, and always looking to make us laugh and our day easier. I was always empathizing with him, he sat for hours in our treatment chair, and then sat for hours in our lobby when his nursing home would forget to pick him up; and yet, he always made sure that he wanted to highlight the work that we do, even though he had tough days. Our conversations were like that of a grandparent with their grandchild. I knew of every lover he had, what his life looked like as a young adult, and what burdens him. He was a musician and played jazz all over the world. Everyday, we were greeted by his Hawaiian shirts, and bright smiles underneath a straw hat. Until one day, he missed treatment, and then another, and then a week passed, and before I knew it he was hospitalized for a month. When he came back, he was different. His witness dulled, his Hawaiian shirts changed into the same worn sweatshirt with new stains multiplying everyday, he sat quiet in the chair, and sat silently watching each car pass by, hoping it would be his nursing home. Then came the treatments, he would miss them and come back agitated, irritated, and angry. He became manic, getting furious when his ride would come so late, so he started to wander the streets. Since then we had to watch him, to make sure that he was safe because of his confusion. Missing treatments means that more toxins enter your blood, and therefore confusion tends to come with it. Some days he comes in just like who he was when I first had him, and then we don't see him for days, and he's back at square one. Recently, he was mentally stable, and so I was so happy to be delighted to dive into a conversation with him about ukuleles and jazz. So, the next treatment he had, I brought in a ukulele I haven’t touched in months due to work. He was back to his confusion the day I brought the ukulele in, but I was determined. After slowly re-orienting him, I started playing all the tunes we had talked about. I saw how the light that I used to see, started to glow again in his eyes, and soon enough he started singing along with me. At the end he said, “Hey, we talked about these songs!” I was amazed. I just played 4-6 songs for him, and all of a sudden he could remember. He started laughing again, and now every Saturday is our ukulele day. 


https://youtu.be/V-kMLV0-XJE

Here is one of the songs that I sang for my patient !